I think know someone who has experienced working really hard to achieve something really special or important to them only to find themselves utterly dissatisfied after having achieved it. They may even feel worse, because they thought this was the “it” that was going to make them happy, the goal, the cash, the relationship, the this, the that. Most of the dissatisfaction comes from the fact we are simply never done and we really just want to feel good. Read that article if you really jet want to cut the chase.
And unfortunately (in my opinion) we really can’t help the wanting more – whatever that it is, it’s human nature. Think of the female force to be reckoned with who first wants a relationship, THEN, she wants to get married, THEN, she wants the house, and Then a baby and another one… Are you getting my point yet? Or do I need to give you the career scale example?
The good news is, there is one thing you can get really clear on (besides just wanting to feel good) that will make all this achieving worthwhile and may help you avoid the post-achievment crash. One word: WHY.
WHY you want something is more important than what you want. More importantly, more than anything, it’s what will give you the clarity and resilience to get to where you want to go
Why is a great question, when used properly. When you know why you are doing something, why you want it so badly, for one, you’re giving yourself the juice you need to get to destination X AND you’re also more likely to be able to adjust as you go along if your WHY isn’t getting met, or, at the very least, minimizing the disappointment.
How will you know you’ve got what you want if you don’t know why you want it?
A friend of mine just worked his bare butt off, all the way to the rind and core to get somewhere only to find himself completely empty after having achieved it. Lost, not knowing where he went wrong, he’s putting the pieces back together. I don’t think he was clear on why he was striving so hard to get there. When our why is clear, we at the very least know why we feel so disappointed. I said to him, “go back, retrace your steps and pull the picture and feelings you were expecting to have as a result of your endeavour. Does it match what you got? where you are?”
I recently took up dancing again after 13 years, this time, with a very clear “why”. I know exactly what I want out of the experience, and I know that dancing brings that to me and out of me AND everything else that comes out of it is gravy. I’m not very good (yet), well ok, one of my “pro” friends sais I just need to work on my 5 lol – but, my “why” gets met every time and as a result, even though I’m not amazing (yet), i still feel amazing while and AFTER. I leave the experience with a sense of fulfilment.The picture of my now matches the picture I had for myself when I set out on this journey. Had I not been so clear on why I had chosen this means to achieving feeling good, I may have walked away with some disappointment.
Or, then again, maybe not, I have other tricks up my sleeve after all…. (O:
Live day by day enjoy the Now! not thinking about the future, because the future does not exist, and the past is gone, therefore we can forget about the past.
the future will bring you the fruits that you are planting NOW at this very moment.
you loved the experience of dancing? good, you enjoyed that moment.
Lets think about that moment.
Close your eyes and i want you to think about sunday.
are your eyes closed?
Please close them and think about sunday, trap the moment in your fist, now slowly turn your hand and slowly open it. and tell me what you see?
I will tell you what you see.
You see happiness and why do you see happines?
very easy, you were not thinking about the past, and you weren’t thinking about the future. you were just enjoying your NOW.
why do you want to learn your 5? because we are humans, and we all look for perfection.
but perfection comes with the NOW.
if you dont start working on the 5 NOW you wont be able to dance 3 years from now
and in 3 years from NOW if you didn’t learn your 5 then you will be asking your self why didn’t I learn my 5?
please i dont want to say that i have the answer. not at all, i just found a way that makes me happy and makes people happy around me.
i love to see people smile, but i can only make them smile when i talk to them, not after i talked to them.
thats why my NOW is very important.
i like your blog keep on writing who knows one day we will dance together.
Best regards.
Walter Cifuentes
Walter!!!! amazing feedback!!!! thank you for sharing your wisdom with me, on the dance floor, as it relates to me 5, and NOW as it relates to your philosophy on life. Your words are an excellent reminder and help put things into context – if we (I) day by day, moment to moment keep coming back to your philosophy our lives will feel so much more fulfilled. Amazing perspective! (O: